Hibernating

I've really struggled in the last few weeks, especially before the 9 week scan.

Working, socialising and all the things that got me through the last cycle really helped my mood. I learned a big lesson from my first failed cycle where I completely isolated myself and the time dragged. The trouble right now is I feel so nauseous and dizzy I'm struggling to get out and about. I don't want to tell my small collection of friends here about the pregnancy yet because of the spotting but at the same time I have cancelled so many last minute plans because of the spotting, I find when it comes I like to stay indoors until I am satisfied it's following the normal pattern and isn't turning red.

I know if this all works out that I'll tell people eventually but one or two I can tell are pissed of with my flaky-ness. I've unconsciously surrounded myself with people without babies this past year in a new country. So most of my friends are going away for the weekend or doing something that involves booze or......like everything here...it starts at 22:00, which is when my day now ends. To avoid letting people down I've started making excuses not to attend anything. My boss, who had to cover my classes twice at short notice last week (first time migraine, second time 'infection...both are true) is waiting for me to reply to his email yesterday as to whether I'll be back to work tomorrow....honestly...I don't know?!

Poor N is working really long hours and food shopping, cooking and taking the laundry etc. There is not much 'convenience' in this country so everything takes twice as long and the time adds up. The simple things we used to enjoy are not possible at the moment. My continuous nausea means I can only stomach one or two things and so I don't fancy eating out and walking, well I'm ok but very, very slowly. The other day I had a window where I felt starving so we went out, N said how about here and I couldn't make a decision, 'in or outside' he said and I just barked...'I don't know, I don't care just decide and show me the chair and I'll sit in it'. It's hard to explain to N why I'm behaving this way. Since week 7 I've been spending a lot of time in bed because we don't have any nice seating in our living room. I turn the bedside light on because I've had a few headaches and I know N is next door tutting, thinking I should be outside a cafe somewhere, guzzling away for 2!