Monday, September 19, 2011

What's different about an IVF pregnancy?

This will vary of course from person to person but for me (and others I've spoken to) I've noticed that after IVF:

I am returning a day later to add another to the top of the list...

-A common question from those that knew about treatment...'So was it natural or IVF?'...I don't think people realise quite how exceptional a surprise pregnancy with our prognosis can be.

-Painful and uncomfortable symptoms are a blessing and not just something to be endured, reassuring signs that the pregnancy is progressing.

-There is still some isolation as not everyone will know the journey to conception and previous support from others having fertility treatment dwindles (understandably) so I've found it a funny place to be at times.

-Questions like 'how many children would you like?' are still painful, people are more likely now to ask about plans for siblings or cheeky questions about the conception, innocent comments assuming that your journey was as easy as theirs. I know a few folk with boys or girls who are hoping to have a child of the other sex to 'complete' their family and are stressed about it...still seems such a luxurious position to be in from where I'm standing. When people say 'next time...' to me I feel I could never be this lucky twice in a life time.

-people want to compare notes about ante natal care so are often fascinated by the extra meds/scans/rept HCG tests that happen after ET...I've been told more than once how lucky I am. And I am. But I still wonder how it must feel to not to have to try to get pregnant and then and get a positive test result the first time you pee on a stick followed by a scan 8 (virtually worry-free) weeks later to see a grey, fuzzy, foetus waving back at you.

-'IVF must steal some of the magic' someone said. I'm not sure I agree. It's different. I'm talking pregnancy not the 'trying' part. I think I see it as a less passive process and no step/milestone is taken for granted.

-Guilt. I've made sure I've informed all my friends individually about my news, in a particular order and avoided any public announcements or shocks. Often in emails so that the news can be digested in private. The way I would prefer it to be delivered. I have seen expressions on peoples faces to match my own on many an occasion in the past. 'Congratulations...' through gritted teeth before running to the bathroom.

-It's still hurts (as my last post says) effortless conceptions and moaning about the sacrifice of pregnancy are hard to take. I am still envious of people who get pregnant after their first attempt or who are having a second or third child via fertility treatment. Daft...and completely irrational I know.