Sunday, May 29, 2011

Week, spotting, yolk sacs and sheer panic.

The first week since my 2 pink lines was lovely but ended in terror. Scary, exciting and surreal to begin with, I felt confident with my symptoms and felt so positive. I had promised myself I would take this approach and as the doubling HCG levels rolled in, it was easy-ish. I walked each day, worked, rested and spent time with N, trying to keep our excitement under control. I had booked my 6 week scan (6.6) and knew that a heart beat makes it 'official', I saw that as the next milestone.

At approx 4.6, one dark Sunday morning, I started feeling a bit crampy, hot tummy, constipation easing perhaps and I nipped off to the loo to be greeted with watery, brownish, pinky-red spotting. My whole life flashed before my eyes and the words 'how long until the next FET' flashed across my tunnel vision. I told N, who's reaction I'll never forget and shakily called my Dr. 'I'm bleeding'......'what?....yes, yes it's significant'. A minute later I turned to N, 'he said if it gets heavier go to A&E, he'll scan me tomorrow and I need to go for a repeat blood HCG on the way'. Off to bed as Dr ordered with a pad and I turned off the lights and just breathed, in and out, trying to slow my heart down.

About an hour later, those few tiny mls of 'stuff' had not returned, each time I went to the bathroom I was greeted with pale brown PV loss. Much of this is pessary residue I must add. Those of you who have used these will know how messy they are. Dr P told me to increase them from 8hrly to 6hrly so I found myself very uncomfortable indeed but gradually hope was returning. There was no 'red' and things were tailing off. By the morning.

On route to the clinic my boobs were so sore and I felt really nauseous, PV loss was now just pessary (with a brown tinge). My Dr popped in the dildo cam and I could hear the beeps of him measuring something, sounded just like measuring my follicles as the eggs were growing. He swung the screen round and I was full of hope before my eyes even adjusted, he seemed so confident. 'There's your baby, measuring just right for your dates with this do you say...sack?!, can't see anything bleeding anywhere'...phew.

Dr P thinks it's burrowing/implantation and that if it returns I should rest. I feel reassured for a day of two. A little surprised it's just one as my HCG was so high but a little relieved that things look OK and I wasn't 'loosing' a twin. Another mini milestone and mini celebration.

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