Endless worries wrapped up in a hopeful bundle.

I'm still so grateful that we may get to have a baby before the end of 2011, after a second (Frozen this time) ET.
I'm so relieved too to have passed the 12 week mark, it felt like it would never happen and I spent the following week worrying about coming off the progesterone and oestrogen. I still get sudden feelings of panic and I rush to look at the clock remembering that there really are no more drugs to take after 16 weeks on the trot.

Further relief came with the booking of the Nuchal translucency USS, yesterday at 12.6 wk. I knew it would reassure me after a few drug free days but as the day approached I worried what it would show. At 35, depending what you read I have a 1:300 or 1:350 chance of Downs and other syndromes. Before these new tests I would have been offered an amnio in the past due to my age but now these non invasive, risk free tests can feed info to a computer and tell me whether my blood test and the NT have lowered my risk from 1:300 or put it up and whether I am 'high risk' or 'low risk'. Results can be very sketchy but most people do it hoping to be a comfortable way in to the 'low risk' or it can be an anxious 6 months with more tests and decisions to make. One lady in the Dec 11 Birth Group has been given a figure of 1:14 and feels she will have more invasive tests with a small risk of m/c (7%) because she just needs to know. I can only imagine how it would feel. I am thinking of her and hope she will get a quick answer. So tough.

This lady had also been told that at 1:14, she has a 93% chance of a normal healthy baby. Incredible isn't it how looking at numbers in a different way can seem so different. 93% sounds great but I'd be devastated at 1:14. I promised myself not to google but I have since and while I felt happy with 2.1 NT I'm not any more. I found posts such as 'at 2.1 it is a little high'...hmm. Plenty of sites say up to 2.8 at 13 weeks and up to 2.0 at 11 weeks so maybe these ladies are at a different stage. The big number seems to be 2.5. Anything below that is...ok but better to be lower. There are lots of ladies at 1.3 - 1.8 which would make me feel better, so much clearer. I really want that 1:300 to change to put my mind at rest about another big what if!

Of course there are many other factors, the bloods can change everything. The scan was worth every peso. The foetus has nasal bones but not clear whether they are all the right segments but that is a small hope. 4 limbs, 4 lovely chambers of the heart with oxygenated and deoxygenated blood pumping around in bright red and blue like in my anatomy and physiology text books. A symmetrical (butterfly) brain, bladder and stomach. And the placenta is front and not a placenta previa so that's good too. Nice to hear the heart beat and not just see the waveform. I got all this info in 30 seconds at the end from a rude, arrogant Doctor who I hope to see for the last time in about 12 days time with the verdict. I have to collect my blood results on Thursday and deliver to him by hand. I will of course open them and have a look.

For now it's time to close google, I've overdosed on reading about NT and antenatal tests and have a mini book in my head. Maybe if my Spanish was better I would introduce the idea of patient information here, a little booklet perhaps...imagine!