Online support

I'm managing to distract myself in the 1ww to the 12 week scan. I've been feeling better generally. I don't feel so absolutely dreadful day and night so that has helped my state of mind but of course I don't want to lose symptoms either as they provide peace of mind. It's a funny place to be in.

WARNING: sad topic to follow.

I have returned to BC after my holiday and found the birth club around my est. due date quite helpful. The group has spread to FB where (I had no idea this was possible) there is a private/hidden group which is v secure. It's nice to put faces to usernames and you don't have to be friends on FB to join the group. It's nice to use each others real names too. Occasionally I get a bit wound up by the posts on BC but generally they are quite sensitive and don't trigger much anxiety in me. There was one saying 'my Dr told me Progesterone pessaries are bad' with no justification or information to back it up. This sort of thing upsets me (see previous post).

Today there was terrible news about one of the ladies who went for a routine 10 week scan where unfortunately it turned out the foetus had stopped growing at 8.6 weeks. Devastating news and a shock as there had not been any warning signs for this lady. I wrote a few useless words of support and spent a moment just thinking of her and her husband. Then...back to me. This news has completely rocked me. My last scan was at 8.6 and I've been persuading myself that there's still something going on in there and chances are all is OK but my goodness. The tragic story from someone else's life is a reminder that anything can still happen.

I'm sure as things my end are confirmed I will feel more confident and no one is to blame for this. I did beat myself for going back online after I felt better staying away but I can't hide. I sat opposite a friend the other day who casually said '...and she had 3 m/c all at 12 weeks'. I have to learn to hear these things and get on with it without becoming incapacitated by worry.