Each to their own

I do try not to be judgemental and I'm definitely more grey than black and white these days. Especially now that the prospect of IVF is challenging so many things I have said 'Never!' to. BUT today I met a very strange lady indeed that made me want to run for the hills and shout "What the f**k".

I was delighted to find an English speaking lady living in the same South American city as me on an ex pat forum. She mentioned she was planning IVF here and I sent her a message to see if she would mind answering a few of my many questions. It's a lonely business after all. She replied straight away, suggested a coffee and excitedly told me she was 12 weeks pregnant. I was delighted and couldn't wait to meet.

When I arrived at our agreed meeting spot, I walked several times around the cafe, peeping at women's stomachs who were sitting alone and finally found 'Lunita'. She greeted me with a huge smile and launched straight into her reproductive history of uterine deformities and 4 previous failed IVF attempts dating back to the 1980's. Unfortunately, she wanted the same level of information from me which I was not willing to give her. I came across to her as cold and English, she almost said as much but my intuition was telling me to ask for the bill.

I was really happy for this woman, past her mid 40s, experiencing her first, long awaited pregnancy after more hurdles than I could ever imagine. However, somewhere between the 'it's up to mother nature if we are meant to have a baby she will bless us' and the extreme measures she has sought in cutting edge reproductive medicine, I squirmed in my chair and found little comfort in her success.

I politely declined her offer to accompany me to a future appointment and to meet next week (I'm busy) to listen to more of her repressed memories that emerged during a pre IVF counselling session. Her tattered boundaries set my alarm bells ringing which is encouraging as my boundaries are somewhat fragile and there would have been a time, many years ago, when such a person would have infiltrated my life quickly and easily. With the best of intentions of course but ultimately using controlling behaviour until I feel an obligation. And as for the 'rescuer' buttons it pushed in me, hearing her difficult past, I managed to resist for enough time to safely get myself on the bus home.