Thursday, March 17, 2011

March update

I'm keen to know my polypectomy results but too lazy to visit rude Dr S to collect them and in denial that he will finally reply to my email and say 'all's well...proceed straight to the fertility clinic'. I have got in touch (by text of course) with Dr P (gynae/fertlity) to remind him how many days I have left of this cycle and see about a potential transfer in the next few months. I want to get on with it soon-ish...but I'm not so desperate either. So nothing to report anyway.

I am considering not broadcasting my future embryo transfers on this blog or to friends either. January was the strangest experience ever. I felt like I wanted to share my injections and egg collection etc with people but after that I felt too exposed. I might join the fertile folk next time and not document my two week wait. I will probably update this blog retrospectively, at times.

I feel like I've put so many things off in the past year especially...just in case....I'm having treatment/I'm pregnant/I'm devastated I'm not pregnant etc. I haven't wanted to deal with the fact other people are getting pregnant while all this is getting on. I've been waiting to get pregnant, as if EVERYTHING will be all right then. So anyway, I've stopped waiting, I'm getting on with things, dance classes, carnivals, looking at friend's baby photos, starting courses I may not finish, re investing in life along side fertility treatment. I've talked to friends who  know nothing of IVF and it's helped, I've allowed silly questions, welcomed them, explained the difference between explained and unexplained infertility and why we'll never be one of those couples who surprise everyone with a natural pregnancy.

The IVF bubble has burst and I've let the real world in. Very few people know about my treatment but I've stopped looking purely for others 'in the same boat' to lean on and spoken more to close friends. I welcome 'silly questions' and forgive their naivety instead of getting irritated. The more I stay in my IVF bubble the more I collude with this taboo. It's better to help fertile folk understand, in the long run.


  1. Good for you getting on with your life as well. Interesting to read your last blog posts as I recognize many of your thoughts. It's so easy to get stuck in this infertile/ivf 'bubble' and live as it's the only thing that's existing.

    It is helpful to write about the experience. But where is the line between that and dwelling over it so it wears you down instead of helping you move on?

  2. Good question! I think when you're in the middle of it all, during intense treatment phases it's really hard not to be in the bubble so it's easier for me now to be living in the real world.I hope I can take some of what I've learnt to the next cycle. I will be easier (frozen not fresh) with less appointments. Going to socialise more in 2ww, see friends etc, still be hard though.

  3. Good for you for getting back to 'normal' life and for also being open with your friends so they understand infertility better. I'm also trying to strike a balance.. I'm 'in the bubble' but I'm trying to not be in it 100% of the time!

  4. Blogging is a weird thing isn't it? In some senses it helps to document, to record, to let it out and to share. But at other times it can lead to over analysis, and a feeling of exposure.

    I hope you do continue to post your experiences - perhaps only the cultural ones if you find the fertility ones too close to the bone? It's really interesting to read about life in another culture and your blog has made me want to live in a Spanish speaking country again!

    As for your FET, if you choose not to post I hope you know I'll be thinking of you anyway!

  5. Good for you, sounds like you know where you are at and what is working for you, it is so hard to maintain equilibrium during such times. Keep on dancing and will be thinking of you blog or no blog xxx