Saturday, June 25, 2011

From the best day so far to just dull, boring, repetitive stress...blah blah...broken record alert

After climbing in to bed following my last post, I opened my first pregnancy book. A friend passed it on to me who is in her 2ww after a 1st failed cycle so I hope to pass it back to her very, very soon. I had just given up after visiting the English bookshop and found just one book "What to EAT when you are expecting". So typical here where there is a famous obstetrician who puts women on 1500/day calorie diets. Most pregnant women wear skinny, white jeans and sport a basketball sized bump until EDD.

Diet has been an issue for me, more in an effort to get enough nutrients in (antenatal vitamins aren't recommended/widely available) as there are a lot of do's and don't's which vary culturally and I found it very hard to find anything to eat here. Partly because I can't read all the labels, I already have some food allergies and as I have no toxoplasmosis antibodies Dr P said, if you're unsure how your meat/veg/fruit is prepared...don't eat it. So I ate some well cooked chicken for the first time in the evening and I've eaten more of a variety of foods since passing 12 weeks so I expected a bit of 'gastric upset' but at 03.00 I woke and vomited violently, hourly, finally with some diarrhoea and I showered and dressed and went to queue for the GP. He said 99% of the time this will not harm your pregnancy which was not the 100% reassurance I was looking for. No scan, no heart beat just that I had no fever or pain so try not to worry. Diet prescribed of meat, plain rice, plain pasta and jelly plus other clear fluids for 3 only can I not face anything from that list but I feel so guilty that the baby is getting nothing of value. I finally caved and got the standard antiemetic they prescribe here which helped ease the nausea enough to eat marmite on toast without butter. Not on the 'si' list but not on the 'no' list either.

I didn't have much more D or V yesterday but woke in the night feeling crampy and noticed a pink/brown tinge on the loo roll. WHY WHY WHY. I got dressed and took N straight to the Hospital with my antenatal card. I just can't watch and wait any more or google...I need to know. It was 5.30am so no point calling the Dr or attempting the number on the back of the card (I can't even order delivery ice cream). I was convinced I'd lost everything since the D and V, I added 2 + 2. 

It was an effort to work out the system at the hospital which is virtually empty at that time of night. I finally saw a very junior, brusk doctor who started making odd calls to a superior saying I was 30 weeks, despite my card info, he finally realised. Fair enough, 30 and 13 sound similar in both languages but my lack of bump might have been a clue? All very confusing, mostly in English he examined me, cervix closed and heart beat still there...'just one of those things'. I pushed him a bit about where the blood staining was coming from, it's been gone for 3 weeks and implantation is over (previous reason). He just shrugged, said hopefully the 'bug' hasn't done any harm' and then got back to the real emergencies. I got to see the maternity unit too when I was lost...hmmm is all I can say. If we make it that far I may need to make a proper visit and find out our options for English speaking staff and patient:staff ratio etc. 

For now I'm back on 'knicker-watch' and my food and hygiene obsession. I feel like screaming I'm so angry. I know I'm lucky to make this far but we've been through so much and I'm trying so hard to get some of the experience all my friends seem to have had/are having. What if I'm still getting a little blood staining in my discharge this time next week, when I go to the UK, all the way through?! It's so ridiculously stressful to have to take a taxi across town planning how to break a miscarriage to my Mum in my head and worrying how to say the words to wake N from his sleep that something might be happening. I showed N my latest colour swatch on the loo roll to which he said 'it that it?' but nothing can calm me down.

The heart beat was a relief, always, thank god, thank god but what about next time? I have got a lot more confidence from having a clean, white panty liner these past 3 weeks than the whooshing sound on a doppler which disappears as soon as the machine is whipped away. My next scan is weeks away so I really hope this pale brown/pink tinge does not return. In the mean time this is a huge test and I just have to keep going.


  1. What a horrible situation. I think you did the right thing going to the hospital, especially as you wouldn't be able to relax otherwise.

    Some of the other blogging IVF ladies have been getting foetal dopplers (I think you can just order them on ama.zon) in order to reassure themselves. While there are arguments for and against them, it might make you feel better.

  2. What a nightmare you're having.. with the sickness and the continued spotting, I can understand your stress. Tackling the ER of your local hospital can't have been easy - I've seen the lobby and IV room of ours and that was enough for me.
    I'm sure everything is fine but would it ease your mind to see a private Doctor in the UK to discuss why you're getting the spotting? I know the Drs where you are know what they are doing, but I did it before starting IVF just so I could get all my questions out without feeling rushed. Thinking of you xx

  3. Hi, yes it's good to see a Dr and feel there is no rush. If I am still worried I will see see my usual Dr before my 16 week appointment. I'm lucky we have private cover here and my Dr is amazing, he is my fertility Dr too so known him a year and he never rushes (can call him too day/eve). Think the Dr on Sat was just brusk cos he was in the middle of emergencies and in fact it turned out I wasn't actually spotting, was just light brown stained mucous which is common especially with dodgy bowels like mine!

    Doppler is excellent idea, have thought about it a lot...if only the postal service worked I would have one at the bedside (maybe handbag?). Think will be too late to get one in UK at 18 weeks but if if I'm not getting much in the way of kicks or my VJ cells continue to be extra sensitive I may grab one before I fly back!