Thursday, December 30, 2010

Complete state

For some reason tonight, with next menstrual cycle due in 2 days, I started Googling the clinics stats. I couldn't find their success rates so tried some Spanish searches and translated (via web) loads of review from local women saying they didn't like my consultants manner and one saying disappointed with treatment but she was 40?! Why am only asking for these success rates now, on new years eve? I actually feel sick with tunnel vision, that we have made a massive error just because it suits our health cover and price is right. But what about the waiting room of bumps? Maybe it was their 5th try? God I don't know. The Consultant has loads of CVs online and has lead conferences and 100s of publications on IVF, shit, now I have to ring Dr P tomorrow and I won't sleep..............I keep playing out our phone call where Dr P gives me rubbish stats and we have to start from scratch at a clinic with a different drug protocol so the grands worth of drugs in the fridge will have to go in the, I'm sure it will be OK.

Last night I dreant I was in an operating theatre and a gowned-up Dr passed me a bloody, sticky baby and I didn't feel anything, I had no memory or sensation of labour and I just kept saying 'It's not mine, it's not a real baby'.

Blimey, N really needs to get home soon and boot me off the internet before I spontaneously combust.


  1. I hope you're feeling better today, but remember, with regard to the women's comments about being disappointed with the treatment that some people go into IVF thinking that it is guaranteed, even when they are told it isn't. Also, reading people's complaints without knowing the full story is a really bad idea. You only see one side of the story.

    Why would the clinic have a lower success rate than others? Does it follow a different procedure than other IVF clinics? If the doctor has published a lot that it is a good sign - that was one of the factors in choosing our clinic. I don't think success rates vary that widely between clinics anyway, they're all around the 30% mark aren't they?

    Try not to stress out too much as you have a lot of stress to come with the treatment. Are you nervous about the treatment? I am and we're a few months off yet.

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  3. Hi...thanks, you are right. I felt better after speaking to him, I think nerves about treatment actually starting distracted me.
    Dr didn't give me any stats really just said they mean little without context. A clinic which refuses complex patients will have better stats while some only publish pregnancy rates rather than live births and who is to know if the success stories of older women include donor eggs feel it's more in context now.

    Am really terrified of treatment yes but excited at the same time as it feels the end of the 'pre testing chapter' at last!