Ist injection

I managed to sleep through my alarm despite my nerves about starting treatment. Dr P said start in the morning, well anytime really, just do the same time please, every day'. I wanted to get 2 doses in before my scan tomorrow at 09.00 so I set my alarm for 07.30. Now I have read on Baby Centre IVF group that evenings are better as the dose can then be altered at the morning scans. Anyway, not the end of the world but I'm still finding it stressful in case I f**k it all up.

I opened the pack and screwed a needle on the end. Checked the drug name (Gonal F or folitropina alpha), checked again, checked the expiry date too. I clicked it round to 225. N watched me open mouthed and a little pale. I pinched a chubby bit of my tummy and stuck the needle in all the way. It only goes into the fatty tissue below the skin but the anticipated pain was killing me. As a Nurse, I've jabbed so many patients in the past with mixed reactions so I wasn't sure what to expect. Well it didn't hurt at all really and I held it just the way Dr P showed me. Like a small child gripping a crayon but with a thumb on the plunger...but it didn't plunge, I pressed it until my thumb turned white...nothing. N looked terrified and I took the needle out saying 'shit...shit...diditgoinIcan'ttellohmygodI'vefuckeditupallthatmoneyandI'vewreckedmyovariesit'sallruined' and I thought I might pass out. Dr P said don't expect the plunger to move much but I'm sure he mentioned a click. There was no click or was there? How the hell will I ever know?

N snatched the leaflet which had a picture of a blonde haired, blue eyed baby reaching for a building block on the front. Surely a diagram of an egg or some ripe follicles would be more suitable than this. I saw the words 'para infertilidad' next to it. The words were swimming. N kept trying to make suggestions and I tried to shove him out of the way determined to go online and google myself stupid. Eventually I listened and agreed that we could try again, to inject mid air with the smallest amount possible that the pen would allow us to dial up.

So I cranked it round to 37.5 and stuck a needle on the end and aimed it at the sofa. Pressed the plunger...nothing! Reassured I had not received a dose earlier, I felt rather stupid that I had failed to use this pen. We looked at a diagram where the tip of the plunger was labelled as a security cap...doh! I pulled it up a notch and saw a band of grey appear, now it looked like the picture. I squeezed, it clicked and a few droplets squirted out. I reset the pen to 225, clicked it out, stabbed my tummy and squeezed until I heard a reassuring click...phew.

2 hours later I am distracted by the leaflet and reread it, it says some thing along the lines of 'ensure safety cap it withdrawn to equal amount as set on pen'. I stare at the pen, still on 225 and pull up and the pen clicks up half an inch to reveal 225 units also. SHIT, there is no way I pulled it out that far the first time...maybe 75 at most. Small panic attack, I don't dare wake needle phobic N who is asleep and so I call Dr P on NY day and explain. We decide I will go again with 150 and so I administer injection number 3, correctly this time.

So I will never be quite sure how much my ovaries received at first dose, hopefully not 600! Somewhere close to 225 would be good and I'm confident about the 150. It just shows how much is lost in translation and I hope that Dr P has forgotten me saying 'oh yes, I'll be fine, actually I used to be a Nurse'.